I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
