i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Someone signed my nipple.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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