In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
