So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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