After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
love makes seman taste better
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
