Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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