M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
