tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
