bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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