Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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