No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you traded sex for a burrito?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
