It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
