i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
