I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
we made out on top of his cat.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
