i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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