I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
