My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
