Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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