i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize