Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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