i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
