My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
