mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
