i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
