Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I think I sprained my soul last night
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
