I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
