Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
