I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
