Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
