he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
