the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
