people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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