I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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