i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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