I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
