then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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