make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
