so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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