another moral hangover. fuck.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize