Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize