I think my fart just growled at me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
