Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just high enough for therapy.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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