Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
