You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize