Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
