whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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