Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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