Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
