singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
