your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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