Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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