I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
