I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
