im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
