You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
