Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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