I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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