my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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