Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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