I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
the raccoons are back...
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