Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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