I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
