so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
