She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
