I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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