He uses pillows to masturbate.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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