i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
